Have you ever had that moment when you’ve been driving and you suddenly realize that you don’t remember the last five to ten minutes of your drive? Not in a dangerous way (I hope), but because your mind was clearly somewhere else like daydreaming, list making, stressing, or just plain worrying?
I’m afraid that you and I spend too many moments in our days and weeks where we are just going through the motions. Times when we are not behind the wheel, the wheel that surrounds our daily life choices.
For example you hop on Facebook to send one message and before you know it you’ve been scrolling for 28 and a half minutes, watching random videos and wishing Happy Birthday to people you barely remember. While none of this is good or bad, it’s important to continually be asking yourself if how you spent that time (whatever amount) was a beneficial use of your energy and resources. I just used Facebook as an easy example. Social media is not the problem, the problem is the user.
Choose Well, Live Well
I love the word mindful. It’s a simple word that states the obvious. Are you thinking through why you are doing what you are doing? We usually do this on the BIG topics, the big decisions, the where should I go to college, the should I buy this car, or should I move here? But often the smaller less big seeming decisions, like should I hop on Facebook, order that dessert, see that movie, listen to this person’s story (fully), can be easily overlooked and under considered. They are in that category of things that can just seem to be a bit irrelevant. But how you spend even the smallest amounts of your time can really add up to lots of larger relevant chunks of time.
Choosing to be mindful is a choice.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a habitual day dreamer. It’s not something I try to do, I just do. You could say it comes naturally. Yes, that’s right, I’m a naturally gifted day dreamer. Because I have this tendency to day dream, which is really not at all that beneficial in day-to-day living, I try to make a determined effort to really focus on what is in front of me. Notice I said try.
In my first real career job, I worked in management for Target. Please don’t say to me, “Oh we call it Targe!” (If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that…) Target is a great company and I can say that I learned so much in the three years that I worked there. And you can bet that I’ve also been a very faithful shopper over the years, because duh, you can tell your hubby you have to run out to Target to pick up milk. Wink, wink. Then while you’re there you can try on some cute flats, buy some thank you cards, browse for some new lotion, pick up a yummy candle, buy that birthday present you need to buy, and even snatch up some candy for dessert before you check out. It’s all the things you need and want all in the same place.(Somebody has done their homework about what the average female in America is looking for when it comes to shopping for all things necessary (and unnecessary).)
While working at Target I was very young and yet given an enormous amount of responsibility. (I’m still not sure if this was a good idea.) I remember vividly signing for large cash deposits and thinking, “How do I really know if that’s the exact number?!?”
As a manager I was expected to attend many different trainings. And the trainings were really, really good. I still refer to many of the tools and tips I learned from our management trainings. One training in particular we had with our management team was to go around and give constructive feedback to the others on the team. One of my fellow managers, Deb, told me that I often didn’t stop what I was doing when she came up to talk to me about something. I sort of took it like a half truth. I mean I was usually knee-deep in working on a weekly schedule for a staff of over 100 employees and honestly I found her comment somewhat annoying. Sort of like she might be a little too needy. (Way to be open to constructive criticism right?!?)
I remember this same topic came up again, she called me on it during a second training later on. Apparently I was really doing this, like it was a habit. Deb and I worked well together and I really didn’t have a problem with what she told me, but I just didn’t take it to heart. I was not truly open to her perception. I made a little effort here and there, but honestly I chalked it up that she was a little too sensitive. Yes, I was very mature.
Well…recently my hubby and I took the kids to lunch after church. At lunch we were going around the table and doing the “Start, Stop, and Continue” conversation. This is the similar tool that I had done in the Target trainings when Deb had told me that I wasn’t being attentive. It’s a great activity where you ask each person to share one thing to start doing, stop doing, and continue doing, to someone else. (And yes kids, you can only say one thing!) It’s a fantastic way to bring up topics that you might not normally address as naturally. We usually take a lot away from these conversations.
For example, I keep asking my hubby to – “Start closing cupboard doors.” (Why is that SO hard?) He has yet to start doing this, so I guess I’ll have to just keep asking.
Well wouldn’t you know it, not one, but two of my kiddos told me that I wasn’t good at stopping what I was doing when they came to talk to me. One told me that I didn’t look up from the computer to give eye contact to her and the other told me I was on my devices too much when she wanted to talk.
Of course in my mind I was like, have you met my old friend Deb? Deb where are you and what have you told my girls!?!
My lovely girls were calling me out on not being mindful. I was good at being in their presence, but not at truly being present. That’s not at all a memory or experience I want them to have of me. This does not help to grow and foster deeper connectivity in relationships.
What I found interesting is that I had been told the same feedback in my mid twenties, before smart phones and social media. It appears the problem was, and is, me. The problem that my mind needs to be more intentional. More intentional on what is in front of me.
I want to be intentional in my relationships. Both in work and family. I don’t want to be someone who was there but not really there. I want to use my time well, to use my time being mindful. This is one of my goals for 2016 to choose to be more present in my relationships.
I share all of this with you because I want you and I to be present in our lives. Fully experiencing the blessings we have all around us. Organizing and cooking, and decorating and exercising, are all good things to talk about, but we need to first and foremost choose living.
Choose well, live well.
