Welcome to another post in my Fabulous Organized Friend Series. In this series I am introducing you to some of my FABULOUS friends. I want to continue to show you that there are many different ways to organize your life. We all have individual lives to manage and we need to make sure that we take into account our personal lives, especially all of the different variables that make up our lives. Whether it be – the size of your family, the amount of work you are responsible for (inside and/or outside of your home), your values, goals, and of course, your natural skills and abilities. This series will give you some different approaches, some fresh techniques and a picture of how different ladies take care of it all!
This month, allow me to introduce you to Inger….
Inger. I miss her so. She was and is one of my favorite Portugal friends. Unfortunately she and her darling family moved back to the States last summer. Insert – ugly cry.
To say that there is a void with them gone, doesn’t begin to touch the fun that this family brought to our lives. We shared our ten-day “adventure” to Morocco with them, and let’s just say, what happens in Morocco – stays in Morocco.
Inger is a friend that you just want to be around. She has the best laugh and doesn’t take herself too seriously. One of my favorite memories was when one of her daughters forgot something for school, so she drives to my house where the bus was headed to pick up my kids, and she embarrassingly walks onto the bus to hand the item to one of her daughters. She might have been in her pjs and sunglasses, but she loved taking the opportunity to have a little fun with her daughter. Did I mention that she doesn’t take herself too seriously? Now in all seriousness here she is…
Give me a snapshot into you and your family. What does your “whole” life look like? Schedule etc…feel free to over share!
My family consists of five people, my husband Jim, our three daughters, and myself. Their ages are 16, 13 and 11. Our days typically start very early at 4:45 am. The girls have swim team every day from 5 to 7 pm, and on Thursdays we have piano lessons and youth group at church. They also swim Saturday mornings, and on Sundays we attend church. Our oldest has started working a few days a week from 4 to 10 pm.
Because my husband works 58 miles away, most of the driving for the kids’ activities is up to me. I don’t love driving, and I am actually looking forward to next week when my oldest will be getting her driver’s license. Where we live, there isn’t a lot of traffic, but it is very spread out mileage wise, so it can feel like we are driving forever to each activity. The closest place we need to be is 20 minutes away. Living where we do, there is no quick run to the grocery store or other errands. I have to plan each outing to be efficient with gas and time. Even though Jim spends so much time in the car after work, he picks the girls up from swimming so I can have dinner ready. That is a very welcome break from the car for me! While the kids are at school, I exercise, pick up the house, work on house projects, etc. It has been a few years since I worked as a hairstylist and I do miss it, but right now with all of the driving, staying home feels both strange and great!
What is your number one organizing tip you would share with other busy moms?
My number #1 advice for busy Mom’s, is to use good time management when it comes to daily schedules. I panic if I am late for anything, or if I have forgotten to do something or be somewhere. I like the feeling of being two steps ahead, not two steps behind. I get easily overwhelmed trying to remember dates and commitments so I keep every single thing I need to do in my phone calendar and have it displayed as a list. It can be an appointment, a reminder about a permission slip for a field trip, a play date, to practice the piano, exercise, or even to email my grandmother a letter. I incorporated all of my new year’s goals into my phone calendar as well to help me remember the good habits I am trying to develop. Because I tend to be a scatter brain if left to my own memory, It is comforting to have my day planned and see it in list form so I can prepare to be where I need to be on time. I am constantly having an inner dialog about what time it is, and what is coming up next.
I think it’s even more important when the children are little. Especially when dealing with naps and mealtimes. Good time management, and consistency prevents meltdowns from happening because they are too tired or hungry. When the girls were little, I would feed them meals when they were starting to get hungry, but not starving, and put them down for a nap when they were beginning to be tired but not exhausted. It helped keep us on an even keel, and prevented meltdowns from being too hungry, tired, or generally out of sorts.
How do you find time to plan meals and to grocery shop?
I actually have plenty of time for this, but not a lot of desire. That is the problem. I go in spurts of good planning, and cooking, and then we have periods of chicken nuggets and popcorn for dinner. I prefer to do the grocery shopping at 5 in the morning when the store is practically empty. I get easily flustered when there are too many people around, and I find it worth the effort to get there so early. It gives me the ability to sit and think about my meal plan, and know what I want to shop for without feeling rushed. I do like to try new recipes, but I hate grocery shopping so much, that I don’t want to go to the trouble to find new ingredients. But when I am there alone early in the morning, it gives me space to find what I need. We very rarely buy hot lunch at school, so another challenge is having sack lunch food and snacks available. I do like to keep a list of easy meals ready because to me, the worst part of cooking dinner is thinking of what to prepare.
In the past, on shopping days, I have precooked, cut, and frozen a portion of the meats to use in the future. That significantly reduces stress for me when it comes to cooking dinner. I have also started letting my daughters help come up with ideas and actually cook on the weekends when they are home more. Two of my daughters really enjoy it, and the other one will do it to be helpful… She must feel like I do! Although I don’t love cooking all the time, I do get very excited and feel very accomplished when a meal turns out really well! And you could say I shamelessly fish for compliments during the meal!
Inger’s daughter Mallory and my daughter Ainsley.
How do your kids help around the home?
Kids these days have it so easy! I always compare my kids chores to what I was expected to do growing up. It’s definitely a “walk 10 miles in the snow to school each way” sort of a thing! During the week, I don’t require them to do much. I expect them to keep their rooms picked up, put their things away around the house, and put their clean laundry away. Saturdays are deep cleaning days. We all work together, and give the house a deep scrub including bathrooms, floorboards, washing the bedding, etc. I prefer to have everyone move through the house as a team, because it helps prevent distractions. When we all work together, it only takes about an hour, and then we can play. When I send the girls to clean their rooms on their own, it takes about 10 times longer, and there is a dramatic increase in fighting!
Laundry is it’s own beast, I don’t mind washing and organizing it, but I hate putting it away. During the school year, I help with their laundry. My oldest typically does her own laundry completely. I help the other two with theirs since they are gone much more with swimming. But in the summer, they are responsible for their own laundry. Each person is assigned a day of the week, with Saturdays being bedding and towel days. On each person’s assigned day, they are in charge of washing, drying, and putting away all of their own laundry. If they forget, they have to wait until the next week. Which is really no fun, when you have nothing clean by your next assigned wash day!
How do you create the time to exercise and take care of your own health?
I like to exercise as early in the morning as possible. By now I know that if I don’t get my workout in before 9 am, it will not happen that day. I put my workout clothes on as soon as I get out of bed. In fact, the night before I will lay out my workout clothes right by my bed, so I don’t have to rifle around looking for them while I’m half asleep. It also helps to get me to actually go through with it. After waking up, I make the kids lunches, then I will do a quick 10-minute work out video or jump rope for 10 minutes. After my youngest leaves for school, I will go for a walk or jog. I love completing my workouts early in the morning, so I feel energized and accomplished the rest of the day. I usually take it really easy on Wednesdays for some reason. I will only walk, or not exercise at all. I have no idea why. But on Monday, Tues, Thursday through Saturday, I pick up the pace and have a more challenging work out.
What are some of your secrets to keeping a clean home?
I don’t have any secrets! I wish I did! While the kids are getting ready for school, I do a pick up/ quick clean of the house, and I do it again once they all leave. Usually our evenings, and bedtime are somewhat crazy with dinner and homework, so the house is much more cluttered at night. That really doesn’t bother me too much, because I know that it only takes just a few minutes in the morning to manage. Since I do deep cleaning on Saturday, I usually just tackle messes as they occur. Sometimes the bathrooms need extra attention, or dusting etc.
I do really hate clutter; both my husband and I are good at tossing things. I like for everything to have a place, and get rid of the excess. A few days a week, I will tackle a closet or cupboard and organize it. That way it only takes a few minutes, and leaves me feeling pretty good about life.
What are your tools for managing stress and finding time for just you or time for just you and your hubby?
I am not great at managing stress. In fact, that is something that I am working on this year as a goal. If I have too many things going on the next day, I have a hard time sleeping at night, even if the commitments are really no big deal! One thing that helps me is to write everything down in a list. I write down what is bouncing around in my mind, and list it out in order of priority, and make a few notes about each commitment. I have found that when I write it out, it is then out of my brain and I can look at it more objectively.
If I let it tumble around in my thoughts, I don’t seem to manage it well. I rely on my phone calendar and alerts. What would we do without smart phones? Right now scheduling time with my hubby is pretty easy. He has a crazy long commute, 58 miles each way, and it is awful. But he works longer days so he can have every other Friday off. We really enjoy those days when he is home. We run errands, go out to eat, see a movie, and just enjoy the day together.
What advice would you most like to share with other moms in how they can best live their lives with intention?
I have been thinking about this question a lot. I have read the other “ Fabulous friend” profiles, and wondered how I could possibly offer up anything new or worthwhile. When I think about myself, and how I manage my time, I only see the things I can improve on. I have extreme views on what I deem a success. I can get too wrapped up in perfection. Either it’s 100% perfect, or I consider it a complete failure. Then I compile this list of failures in my mind and it can be discouraging.
I am such a perfectionist that I never allow myself to have any positive labels. I may go running 4 to 5 times a week, but I would never call myself a runner. Runners are fast, win races, and remind us all of a gazelle. Well that’s not me! I am not a piano player because I have to practice a lot to play the church hymns. Real pianists can sit and play sonatas like Mozart. I am not a good Mom because I don’t enjoy playing games or doing crafts with the kids. Real good mothers can sit and play games with their kids and enjoy it. See where this is going? How sad!
Just because I am not perfect at all kinds of “things”, doesn’t mean that I am not that “thing” at all.
I recently read a quote that said “You are not a failure until you quit”. That really opened my eyes to the negative thoughts I was having about myself.
I appreciated your Mom’s thoughts from last month when she compared her life then and now. I realized that we have constant changes. We have dentist appointments, jobs, activities, sickness, visitors, travels, emergencies etc. Our lives are constantly in flux, and we need to change our schedule at a moments notice.
Often when that happens to me, I think, “Well that does it, my schedule is ruined.” And then consider myself a very unorganized person. But the past few weeks as I’ve pondered on that quote, and your Mom’s thoughts, I realized that our lives are in a constant state of motion and there will always be changes to my schedule, and there will be days that just don’t go according to my best laid plans. And so what? It doesn’t mean everything is ruined. It just means that I dust myself off and keep going. And that is what success is, when we just keep trying to meet our goals and when hiccups happen, we dust ourselves off and keep at it, whether it’s our exercise, healthy eating, scheduling, cleaning, time with the children, date night, etc.
So I guess my advice would be to myself as well. There are no perfect days, weeks, months, or years. We just keep at it, and when we don’t give up, we are a success!
I want to walk her talk – “Success is, when we just keep trying to meet our goals and when hiccups happen, we dust ourselves off and keep at it!” Truth.
We won’t ever really be able to control the chaos and changes of life, but as Inger said, good time management and planning can help to minimize the stress that creeps in with the constant changes in our lives.
Changes like having to drive to meet the school bus with said item that said child forgot.
Inger I adore you and I miss you. I love your honesty, humor and of course your hair. Thank you for keeping it real and for being someone whom I admire very much. xoxo
